42 Gay Little Haiku I Wrote Last Year
Sorry I haven't posted here in awhile. I explain why and share what's been going on in my life, as well as 42 gay little haiku I wrote last year.
At some point during the pandemic, I lost my passion for writing. I actually know exactly when and why it happened, but I’m being vague because that’s more tactful. I had stopped enjoying writing essays. I lost the will to pitch new work and what I did pitch was so rote and passionless, which is fine I guess. I’ve got to make money and not everything can be passion projects. But when I’m not writing things that make me feel something at least part of the time, I quickly lose the will to live. I just don’t see the point in living without beauty, which is not necessarily a cute trait, but it’s how I am.
I don’t remember why, but I started writing haiku last June, around the same time I sold my first feature film script (I’m very proud of that). I’d never really written or gotten poetry before. I loved Sappho, but that was it. But suddenly I saw poetry’s appeal, especially haiku. There was something freeing about being able to express a sentiment quickly, without need for exposition or full sentences but with strict form. I edit myself too much as I write, but a haiku allows me to just get the feeling out and be done with it. I guess it has some of the same appeal as tweeting. I did actually tweet some of them, mostly in my circles.
Since then I’ve been reading a lot of poetry. Chelsey Minnis, Richard Siken, Anne Carson, Rachel Rabbit White, Akiko Yosano, Baudelaire. I get it now. It’s good stuff.
Most of these haiku are about love and desire and lust and longing, so I thought it’d make sense to share them on Valentine’s day. I like Valentine’s Day. I understand it’s a shallow hallmark holiday, but I like the aesthetic. Pink and red are my favorite colors, hearts are cute, and I think Cupid is a cool baby. Beyond that, I dig the idea of a love day. An excuse to be sappy and romantic. I’m sappy and romantic all the time, but on Valentine’s Day it’s actually acceptable to be saccharine. I don’t know if that’s true but I think it’s a nice thought.
Slightly related but not really, today marks one week since I’ve temporarily moved to Chicago. I’m here to work on my screenplay and because I just really needed to get out of LA. This is my first time living off the West Coast and it’s also my first time living alone. Today is the first Valentine’s Day in years where I haven’t spent the day with one of my two partners. I miss them but I feel surprisingly ok. I tend to depend on romantic relationships too much for emotional stability, but it turns out I can be pretty fine alone focusing on myself when I’m not living in a city where I feel painfully alone.
After a few months in Chicago, I think I might move to New York City. I never thought that city would work for me, but after spending two weeks there, I was sold. I felt very loved there by so many, and not just because I was at so many orgies. I felt satisfied, which is a feeling I’m always chasing. It took me 30 years, but I think I’m finally figuring out that community is what I need above all else. Like I said, this section is slightly related but not really.
Anyway, here are 42 haiku I wrote in the back half of last year. I hope you enjoy them.
June 2022
#1
bubbling with desire
rolling boil, hot and thirsty
makes a fucking mess
#2
My heart is tender
A cut of meat that gushes
Eat it with your hands
#3
You are not the one
My love is made manifold
Can we embrace this?
#4
It’s rare I end things
I’ll keep it when it expires
As long as, at least
#5
Uncomfortable
If distress breeds such beauty
Is release ugly?
#6
Want you wanting me
Is this a sign I’ve gone mad?
No? ’Tis a pity
#7
I like furry porn
But I’m not a furry though
I just love cute things
#8
Deep love binds me here
Anchored by bliss, or at least
When she is around
#9
A surprise inside
Would you please open me up
Like a love letter 💌
#10
Am I bleeding out?
Is this where it fades away?
It appears to be
#11
Don’t know what to do
With my hands when I see you
Caress? Feel? Hold? Fist?
#12
Something is complete,
A key slides into a lock,
When you fuck my ass
#13
You are losing ground
People like me more than you
I am such a cunt
#14
I give myself up
I smile my idiot smile
When you notice this
#15
Oh sweet Caroline
I always wanted to love
Someone with that name
#16
my sexiest ex
You’re like a cock destroyer
My heart is the cock
#17
I am so afraid
I’ll fall deep in love with you
If you fuck my ass
#18
Can’t feel my pussy
I did too much ketamine
But that isn’t why
#19
I laugh but sometimes
I forget how to swallow
Choking on a void
#20
You croon “let’s do it”
I swoon as you turn the stew
Your ass, so shiny
#21
Countless fingerprints
Line the inside of my ass
Every loves’ proof
#22
I’ll kiss any part
Any part of you I can
Muah muah muah muah muah
#23
Terrifying thought
That I’m already complete,
Whole just as I am
#24
Not a masochist
But my pain is arousing
I suffer pretty
#25
What nets me more cash
Is it sympathy or lust
Don’t want pity change
#26
want to imagine
I’ve long been denied release
It makes me explode
#27
I feel unanchored
Like I could just float through time
Seeking warm bondage
#28
Heart is in my head
I’m a fucking idiot
Thank god I’m pretty
#29
When not with my friends
feel like I’m in a k-hole
Anytime I’m adrift
#30
Eating ass nonstop
In the alley; Licking clean
Forty five minutes
#31
The dancing Twink
Atop a towering Jeep
Pride: brought by Kia
#32
Strawberry saké
This hotel begging the page
Ketamine abounds
#33
I spend so much time
thinking about my fat ass
Oh, how fuckable
July 2022
#34
There is nothing more
Nothing more romantic than
A double dildo
#35
Be gentle with me
I seem to have lost my skin
It’s all nerves, red meat
#36
I need an out, babe
Thinking of ending it all
Or at least my lease
September 2022
#37
There’s love ev’rywhere
For tonight you’ll be “baby”
At the all femme orgy
#38
You’re a baby gay
You’ve been a vampire for years
Each sired til dawn comes
#39
I won’t eat it yet
Oh, your adderall debris
memento of you
#40
Just like a tattoo
You become my chosen wound
Hope it never heals!
#41
Well worn angel wings
Accentuating angles
Sensually tangled
November 2022
#42
If love be a blade
I shall take it to the hilt!
Struck by angel’s steel
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